t h e - w o r l d - o f - t h e - e n d

Good day to whoever may read this, altho i don't fully intend this to be read, you see my current job is in web design and so i feel this currently is my best medium for expressing myself - next to painting that is - and expressing myself will be the whole point of this site, so it is purely for my own purposes and none of your damn business... but then i am acting quite like those people who appear on talk shows saying how embarrassed they are by something - but they still appear on TV to tell everyone?

"I think the word is foolish... yes, foolish"

Right anyway, for a while now i have been trying to come up with a project that i can fully immerse myself in and get carried away with, just like i did as a kid. Thats where & when i'm happy, using my creativity to its full effect, overcome by my passion for what i feel i need to create. Although, not for the lack of trying, i have not found a single thing that i can stay focused on recently.

Hopefully this is all about to change...

I spend most of my time either working, sleeping or eating; as do probably most of us - yes - there are a few exceptions but more about them later (actually i can't promise that as i haven't thought that far ahead yet - well actually i've thought further but just have yet to fill in all the gaps). What i tend to find myself doing in my spare time - outside of the above - is going over and over, round and round in circles (or squares - see my analogies section) trying to figure out everything, the point of me, the point of life, the point of the colour pink, why it is that no matter how many socks you buy the world doesn't get any heavier, how many people at this moment are realising just how annoying dohnuts are.. and so on!

I have come to the conclusion that although my brain is good enough to store everything i think about (just) the space in my head i use to work things out isn't and i keep finding that i can't keep a whole idea tied down - sort of like trying to paint a picture on a huge canvas, but i can only see a small square at a time and whenever i move the square hole i smudge all the hidden paint. Which if you like taking analogies further, is really annoying for whoever commisioned the painting.

So as trying to sum things up seems to be an autosyncmatic (see unlost & reforgotten words) hobby of mine i thought i might as well make this my project - even tho i am actually doomed to fail as it is impossible due to the law that states...

"No system can ever fully understand itself for the reason that it needs to be more complex than that of what it is studying to have the capacity to understand"

... but maybe like scientists do, i can calculate my answer with a margin for error - and so even though i may be wrong - i can feel that i am as close as i'm ever going to get with all this dodgy and innacurate data; it also means i get to leave really big gaps at the side of my work which is all ways fun.

So if i am to un-beat around the bush, this site will be used as my memory and thinking pad... and so whatever i write here, may not be fully correct, may not even make sense, but in the long run it'll help me accumulate the factors needed to give myself a rounder view of this very odd thing that i have come to know as existance...

"Anybody still here?"

Finally, if there is anyone still out there and reading ... i shall begin - at the only place that we can thanks to the way things are - which is the middle.

[ themiddlesofar ]

[ skiptotheend ]

[ atsceneeleven ]

[ playitagainsam ]