t i m e - s y m m e t r i c

[ or time cyclic? ]

YET?

What if the universe never had a beginning, in relation to time that is. What if it only had a middle, and as the universe extends, so does its existance, in the past and the future.

If it is possible to travel faster than the speed of light, not accelerate past the light barrier, but to have particles that just exist the other side, travelling backwards in time, then surely it is possible for the particles themselves to extend past the beginning of everything to push the start point further into the past?

And if the backwards particles effect the forward travelling particles in the form of energy loss or gain. is it not also possible that the forward particles have the same effect for the backwards ones.

And so there is a forwards existance and a backwards existance that are inherently linked but not necessarily the reverse of the other... maybe the inverse? or perhaps just another existance... i would think that as it seems our existance is full of ying and yang relationships that the opposing backwards existance is complimentary to ours.

Altho i think i shouldn't refer to it as backwards as just the opposite, as time it seems is not at a fixed rate - so entities could travel at what ever speed is induced on them in one direction or the other.. neither is forwards or backwards - just complimentary.

With this idea in mind it suits my thoughts on what purpose existance could pose. for if a start exists, then an end is obviously the goal. but that suggests that the path is known and also has an end, or at least a direction is known and the journey infinite. This i find hard to imagine as i have always found infinite a difficult to picture. And for me i have always imagined a symmetry to existance, not an ever extending line into the mist.

If a journey is started from the middle of a location and spreads out, just like a wave, a re-occurring theme it seems in our universe, then a destination is not known, and only the fact that a search exists to find the reaches. And if systems seem to always choose the easiest path, and the only way to know the easiest, is to know them all, then this makes sense in the fact that all extremes need to be reached before a realisation can be made.

What if you were to picture a line one edge stretching right and one stretching left. but if time and space can be bent, maybe the line is not flat maybe time (and space) curves back in on itself in come cyclic like motion - each time point (most forward and most backwards) - influencing each other in a inverse or complimentary way.

This would still keep the infinite-ness of energies going.

I still believe the only way that all this could exist with in a system is if the system is recursive. and that our point in existance could prove to be the seemingly chaotic quantum influences that effect the smallest systems within our own existance, that our life and being is just one of the many waves and eddies that effect sub-atomic existance that effects our sup-atomic existance. so that we are both sub-atomic and sup-atomic. We are merely feeding patterns and information back into our "experiment" to see if we filter down to the best most stable way to exist.

That way - if you look at the wave collapsing problem - we would be the "spectator" for our own universe - perceiving ourselves. That is if we truly are separate at all... perceiving ourself?. maybe that was the unbalancing effect - the ascent to perception, if the point of conception for our existance started at the point of no concept of self to the first thought of "what am i" - in order to answer that question you need to be viewed from the outside, for i don't belive anything can truly understand itself with out having and internal and external view. something that we as separate conscious bodies can never do - but if there is a generalized over watching of the system where maybe all our sub-properties and effects link up - maybe this information is building up a picture of our existance, but we can no longer access this information as our being has become fractured, until the simplest / easiest form our ourselves is discovered and the complexity is lost.

Maybe just like an anxious or paranoid mind - our existance has looped in on itself in a spiral of thought to try and figure itself out. setting up separate thought systems to work on a smaller parts of the problem. but as with any experiment the experiment can not be viewed unless it is to be changed or affected. so these separate existance bubbles are created and left to run their course until a simplest form of that bubble is obtained... but in the search to do so the separate bubbles themselves can create their own bubbles... and just like a recursive function the outcome can only be told once the highest (or lowest) calls of the function have passed back their result to the caller.

This type of thinking could send me mad. what the hell am i supposed to do if i want to live but i have to know what living is. maybe i can just let myself relax in the knowledge that my existance is helping towards a final outcome. As i don't see how this could ever be proved. the only way this thinking could help is that the more a sub-system mimics the main system the greater the harmony. so maybe the faster the resolution.

I think i will write a book on this subject to keep the idea as fiction. so that i can get my head round it first and find peace with it... but this recent thought has left my brain working too hard. and made me feel quite sick to be honest... trying to picture recursion has always hurt my head but not nearly as much as infinity has... all that i hope is that there isn't a permanent loop somewhere in the thought process, as that... scares me.

But then that would mean life (as a whole for the greater being) would last forever.

Again this idea still does not escape the fact that if there is a god, (the overall being, us - or something trying to find the answer) again i am viewing it as something that is learning about it existance... not an all powerful deity that can change things at will but a simple system like that of a child trying to grasp its very nature by fracturing itself into more and more complexity. And it is in no more control of things than we are...

Also when we die, I'm guessing our resources (energy) are re-used else where in the system to understand another problem, to solve another mystery, another part of "what am i?". Re-incarnation of sorts. But is that good or bad, do i have a choice, does it matter. Will i be conscious of the effect. if there is one conscious? do we ever join back up and find the peace of understanding "why we are!"... and if so, is the next question "what shall i have for lunch?"

Urgh... i feel ill. I know this doesn't matter - but it seems my anxiety and ocd like complexities have focused on needing to know - or at least having an idea to follow and use to explain the many un-explain things in my life.

Like why i awake feeling different wells of emotion for no reason. And yes this could be to do with dreaming. which i believe is happening all through my conscious life... people say that when you sleep you mind uses this time to re-organise information and understand things - this type of process must be happening all day - its just that at night you have no focus to take up your upper functions and so they can access this sub-conscious visage. But then dreaming could still be a link - if we have a joint consciousness - to the overall feeling / thoughts of everything.

Or maybe some of the random images are just triggered to memory by background noise - of the "vacuum" between particles that is infact constantly busy with "ghost" particles. Maybe interference from a higher though processes sub conscious. (recursion!!)

So i guess i am getting at the fact that everything in existance is thought or dream pockets that contain other existances with the same within, and so on to work out all the complexities of our existance. One thing that i think calms me is that with this idea i don't think it is possible for the sub-pockets to become more complex than a sup-pocket. otherwise my head would melt. Altho i still think of the GOD as a simply body... so maybe to fit in with symmetry the pockets get steadily more complex until a point is reached and from then on maybe they get simpler to the point of an answer being instantaneously found and that triggers off a collapse of each "pocket" backwards until the start is reached. Like a Curved graph that eases in and then eases out.

Damn that quantum physics book - i have never know a book to give me quite this much to think about and quite this much indigestion. True the above is a whole load of wandering gibberish but i do believe there is some truth to what i really believe within it all - but for me there will never be a simple answer only a complex messy one that i can filter out the bits i like ;)

The book in question is ... [ Schrödinger's Kittens - John Gribbin ]

ISBN 1-85799-402-7

One question i can't get my head round is, is my last paragraph a compliment or a complaint? (grin)